Cats and Generals
by rwr.burn.die
Summary: It was a known fact. General Sephiroth did NOT like cats. As a matter of fact, he absolutely despised them... Also known as the story of how Seph met Cloud. SC, ASGZC-ish?


Cats and Generals

Rated T for some swearing - nothing too explicit -, severe hate of cats.

This fic contains yaoi/slash/m/m/boylove/guylove/whatever you want to call it (dun like? Look to the top left of your screen. See that left arrow? Yeah? Click it.)

Summary: It was a known fact. General Sephiroth did NOT like cats. As a matter of fact, he absolutely despised them... Also known as the story of how Seph met Cloud. SC, ASGZC-ish?

Be warned…I use both Australian and American spelling, can't help it. =.="

I own NOTHING. Nada. Nup.

-x-x-

Sephiroth hated cats.

He wasn't afraid of them, he just REALLY hated cats.

No. Scratch that…

Hate was such a light word.

Sephiroth absolutely fucking despised cats with every fibre of his being.

It was no secret. Everyone in the Shin-Ra building knew of the General's severe dislike of cats. All the office ladies knew, the Turks, the SOLDIERS and the cadets knew.

Hell, even President Shin-Ra, his son Rufus and Hojo knew.

The last time someone in the building tried to give him one of those fluffy pests, the General promptly decided to pull out his fire materia and cast fire on the poor man. Luckily, the cat was smart enough to run away, while the man was lucky enough to only receive mild burns.

And that was when the man had only asked him to hold it for a few seconds.

It was clear to everyone, Sephiroth REALLY hated cats.

So when one of his lovers, Zack, came home with a blue blanket and something that suspiciously looked like a cat in said blanket…

_Oh hell fucking NO._

Well, let's just say that he was not pleased. It took everything he had to not kill his little raven lover. After all, his boyfriends of all people should know just how much he hated the little pests.

It had actually taken his other two lovers, Angeal and Genesis, to physically restrain him in order to protect their little pup.

So yes, he was not pleased.

"Zack… Pray tell, why the FUCK are you holding a FUCKING CAT!"

"But Seph, you haven't seen how cute he is!" Fuck cats, he wanted to do nothing more then strangle his little raven lover at the moment.

"No Zack! We are NOT keeping a damn cat!" all the raven did was pout.

It was then, that he realized that his lover must have been holding a fucking HUGE cat because it looked like the size of another person, well, at least a small person. Said cat was squirming and swearing to get out of the raven's hold.

Wait. What?

Swearing?

What the hell?

To say that he was surprised was an understatement.

"Zack, why is the cat swearing?"

He swore he could hear his other two lovers chuckling as they watched in amusement.

The raven blinked. "Oh my bad, you must have not met Cloud yet. He's my friend" And he dropped the blanket.

All Sephiroth could do was blink back. Zack had already named the cat?

Said cat was now on the floor, swearing at Zack and trying to get free from his blue prison.

"Damn you Zack! One of these days I'm gonna fucking cut off your balls and feed them to you. Then I'm gonna fucking light your fucking hair on fire and shove fireworks down your throat and watch you burn as I freaking run you over with a bloody steam roller, again and again! Just be glad you're my friend!"

Sephiroth winced, was it normal for cats to be cursing like that? He looked towards his other lovers, both Angeal and Genesis had similar looks like his own. He could tell though, that Genesis didn't know whether to look amused of horrified. Then he heard the Pup do the impossible, he laughed!

He fucking laughed when someone was threatening to kill him with random household objects, someone who sounded pretty fucking convincing – pretty hot too, from what Sephiroth could tell from his voice. And not just any laugh, the Pup laughed as if this was normal and waved it off like it was nothing!

Really, it was times like these that he worried about the Pup's mental health and judging by Angeal's sigh, he did too.

"Oops, sorry 'bout that Spiky, I swear I didn't mean to." The raven held his arms out in defence, as if whatever was inside that blanket could hear him.

And from the blanket emerged a small cadet. A small cadet with spiky blond hair – that kind of looked like a chocobo's feathers in Sephiroth's opinion – milky white skin, golden cat ears and tail, and the biggest, most bluest eyes he had ever seen. Eyes that were killing his raven-haired lover with one of the scariest death glares he's ever seen.

Wait. Cat ears?

_Okay then…moving on…_

All in all, he looked rather cute and a quick glance to the side showed that both Angeal and Genesis seemed to agree. Well that was if you counted Genesis looking like he wanted to jump the blond, and Angeal looking like he wanted to the same thing but with more subtly… then yes, they seemed to agree with Sephiroth.

The blond neko-boy looked one hundred percent completely and totally fuckable.

Anyway, said blond was still glaring the hell out of Zack. "I swear Zack, you have 5 seconds to run or hide before I castrate you with a spork!"

The silverette decided it was time to intervene when he saw his lover gulp and tense up.

"Ahem... as much as I agree with you that Zack can be annoying, I would appreciate it if you don't castrate my boyfriend."

And he watched as the blond froze and slowly turned red in front of his eyes. It seemed that the blond had not noticed the General or the other two people in the room, only now had he realized that he was surrounded by four Firsts. Many of whom, if not all, wanted to jump said blond.

Well that was if you were judging by the looks everyone was giving the blond.

"A-ah s-shit, I u-umm…"

Thankfully, the blond didn't seem to notice any of the looks.

'_Do not molest the little neko-boy, Sephiroth. Do not molest the little neko-boy.' _he repeated the mantra in his, hoping that if he said it enough, it might actually work.

"SEE! Can we keep him, Seph? Can we? Can we? Can we? Pleeeaase?" his younger raven lover squealed.

To his surprise, the little blond, Cloud, had turned even redder then he thought was possible. It looked quite adorable to Sephiroth.

"h-huh? W-what?"

'_Do not molest the little neko-boy. Do not moles- Ah fuck it!'_

And he pounced on the unsuspecting blond, capturing his lips in a kiss.

-x-x-

Several hours later, they all lay on Sephiroth's giant bed. Angeal had his arms wrapped around Zack, who was snuggling Sephiroth, who had Cloud curled in-between himself and Genesis, who was lazily stroking Cloud's tail in his sleep.

The tail and the ears, as they all found out earlier, were as real as they could get. Sephiroth, strangely, did not mind at all, he thought they suited the blond.

All of them were asleep, tired from their previous activities, except Cloud, who was slowly drifting into sleep, and Sephiroth, who still had one question nagging at him.

"Cloud?"

"mmpf… yeah?" was the sleepy reply

"Where did you cat the ears and the tail?"

"hmmmmpf… Hojo…." That strangely enough would have made sense, especially if the madman had decided to play around during the mako trials or something.

The silverette listened as his newest lover fell asleep.

'_Note to self, thank Hojo then fucking kill him.'_

So yes, Sephiroth hated cats.

He absolutely fucking despised them.

Okay so maybe now, he only hated them – _coughcough_ –

Not really.

Well, at least, all except for his new kitten.

_End._

-x-x-

Ha!

Yes, I know that some grammar is wrong and spelling is messed up but eh… =.= I can't write.

I was bored and it is now…. 3 am okay…

And no, I do NOT hate cats. I dream of being one of those crazy old cat ladies sometime in the future.

Hope you enjoyed!


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